One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies.He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list,but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tellyou what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.'OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in,and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. 'No,' OJ said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don'tthink I could do that all day long.'The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All hedid was swing that hammer, time after time afterTime. 'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,' commented OJ. The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in aspread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, 'Yeah man, Ican handle this.'The devil smiled and said . . . . . (This is priceless)
'OK, Monica, you're free to go
Friday, November 07, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My earliest memory was…. being about 3 years old seeing a cutout of a skeleton for Halloween.
At school I…. never paid attention.
My first relationship was .... not much of a relationship. I kissed Debbie in 4th grade
I don’t like talking about….How we hurt animals
My most treasured possession is…. photos from my childhood, my wife, dog, and motorcycle.
My mother always told me…. Not to run with scissors.
I wish I had… stayed in touch with my brothers and sisters more.
I wish I hadn’t…. quit college.
My most humiliating moment was…. Getting my mouth washed out with soap.
My happiest moment was…. the day my daughter was born.
At home I cook…. Usually on the BBQ.
My last meal would be…. Couple Lobster tail and filet minion, cole slaw, a few bottles of Sam Adams and a couple of Guiness Stouts. Cherry pie and ice cream.
I’m very bad at…. Remembering stuff.
When I was a child I wanted to…. Play center field for the New York Yankees.
The book that changed my life was…. I don’t read often enough to answer this.
It’s not fashionable but I love…. When I had long hair.
Friends say I am…. An ass.
The song I’d like played at my funeral is… Do the Hokey Pokey, Funeral for a Friend.
If only I could…. Have started riding motorcycles earlier in life.
The hardest thing I have ever done was… go to my grannies funeral.
What I don’t find amusing is…. War, poverty, homelessness, starvation.
The last belly laugh I had was…. watching my wife laugh so hard it made me laugh!
I’m always being asked…. To be more serious.
Cat or dog… dog.
If I wasn’t me, I’d like to be…. Racing motorcycles
At the moment I’m listening to…. The olympics
My favourite work of art is…. A picture of yellow done in green by my grandson.
My worst job was… 1 day at Burger King.
I often wonder…. How much longer I will be alive.
Feel free to copy these questions and post them on your site with your answers – will be interesting to read your comments.
At school I…. never paid attention.
My first relationship was .... not much of a relationship. I kissed Debbie in 4th grade
I don’t like talking about….How we hurt animals
My most treasured possession is…. photos from my childhood, my wife, dog, and motorcycle.
My mother always told me…. Not to run with scissors.
I wish I had… stayed in touch with my brothers and sisters more.
I wish I hadn’t…. quit college.
My most humiliating moment was…. Getting my mouth washed out with soap.
My happiest moment was…. the day my daughter was born.
At home I cook…. Usually on the BBQ.
My last meal would be…. Couple Lobster tail and filet minion, cole slaw, a few bottles of Sam Adams and a couple of Guiness Stouts. Cherry pie and ice cream.
I’m very bad at…. Remembering stuff.
When I was a child I wanted to…. Play center field for the New York Yankees.
The book that changed my life was…. I don’t read often enough to answer this.
It’s not fashionable but I love…. When I had long hair.
Friends say I am…. An ass.
The song I’d like played at my funeral is… Do the Hokey Pokey, Funeral for a Friend.
If only I could…. Have started riding motorcycles earlier in life.
The hardest thing I have ever done was… go to my grannies funeral.
What I don’t find amusing is…. War, poverty, homelessness, starvation.
The last belly laugh I had was…. watching my wife laugh so hard it made me laugh!
I’m always being asked…. To be more serious.
Cat or dog… dog.
If I wasn’t me, I’d like to be…. Racing motorcycles
At the moment I’m listening to…. The olympics
My favourite work of art is…. A picture of yellow done in green by my grandson.
My worst job was… 1 day at Burger King.
I often wonder…. How much longer I will be alive.
Feel free to copy these questions and post them on your site with your answers – will be interesting to read your comments.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Wake up America!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eye scanning, palm prints..............BIG BROTHER 1984!!
Doesn't the government take enough from us already? How many more freedoms will we lose until people stand up and say NO?
CLARKSBURG, West Virginia (CNN) -- The FBI is gearing up to create a massive computer database of people's physical characteristics, all part of an effort the bureau says to better identify criminals and terrorists.
But it's an issue that raises major privacy concerns -- what one civil liberties expert says should concern all Americans.
The bureau is expected to announce in coming days the awarding of a $1 billion, 10-year contract to help create the database that will compile an array of biometric information -- from palm prints to eye scans.
Kimberly Del Greco, the FBI's Biometric Services section chief, said adding to the database is "important to protect the borders to keep the terrorists out, protect our citizens, our neighbors, our children so they can have good jobs, and have a safe country to live in."
But it's unnerving to privacy experts.
"It's the beginning of the surveillance society where you can be tracked anywhere, any time and all your movements, and eventually all your activities will be tracked and noted and correlated," said Barry Steinhardt, director of the American Civil Liberties Union's Technology and Liberty Project.
The FBI already has 55 million sets of fingerprints on file. In coming years, the bureau wants to compare palm prints, scars and tattoos, iris eye patterns, and facial shapes. The idea is to combine various pieces of biometric information to positively identify a potential suspect.
A lot will depend on how quickly technology is perfected, according to Thomas Bush, the FBI official in charge of the Clarksburg, West Virginia, facility where the FBI houses its current fingerprint database. Watch what the FBI hopes to gain »
"Fingerprints will still be the big player," Bush, assistant director of the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services Division, told CNN.
But he added, "Whatever the biometric that comes down the road, we need to be able to plug that in and play."
First up, he said, are palm prints. The FBI has already begun collecting images and hopes to soon use these as an additional means of making identifications. Countries that are already using such images find 20 percent of their positive matches come from latent palm prints left at crime scenes, the FBI's Bush said.
The FBI has also started collecting mug shots and pictures of scars and tattoos. These images are being stored for now as the technology is fine-tuned. All of the FBI's biometric data is stored on computers 30-feet underground in the Clarksburg facility.
In addition, the FBI could soon start comparing people's eyes -- specifically the iris, or the colored part of an eye -- as part of its new biometrics program called Next Generation Identification.
Nearby, at West Virginia University's Center for Identification Technology Research, researchers are already testing some of these technologies that will ultimately be used by the FBI.
"The best increase in accuracy will come from fusing different biometrics together," said Bojan Cukic, the co-director of the center.
But while law enforcement officials are excited about the possibilities of these new technologies, privacy advocates are upset the FBI will be collecting so much personal information.
People who don't think mistakes are going to be made I don't think fly enough," said Steinhardt. He said thousands of mistakes have been made with the use of the so-called no-fly lists at airports -- and that giving law enforcement widespread data collection techniques should cause major privacy alarms.
"There are real consequences to people," Steinhardt said.
You don't have to be a criminal or a terrorist to be checked against the database. More than 55 percent of the checks the FBI runs involve criminal background checks for people applying for sensitive jobs in government or jobs working with vulnerable people such as children and the elderly, according to the FBI.
The FBI says it hasn't been saving the fingerprints for those checks, but that may change. The FBI plans a so-called "rap-back" service in which an employer could ask the FBI to keep the prints for an employee on file and let the employer know if the person ever has a brush with the law. The FBI says it will first have to clear hurdles with state privacy laws, and people would have to sign waivers allowing their information to be kept.
Critics say people are being forced to give up too much personal information. But Lawrence Hornak, the co-director of the research center at West Virginia University, said it could actually enhance people's privacy.
"It allows you to project your identity as being you," said Hornak. "And it allows people to avoid identity theft, things of that nature."
There remains the question of how reliable these new biometric technologies will be. A 2006 German study looking at facial recognition in a crowded train station found successful matches could be made 60 percent of the time during the day. But when lighting conditions worsened at night, the results shrank to a success rate of 10 to 20 percent.
As work on these technologies continues, researchers are quick to admit what's proven to be the most accurate so far. "Iris technology is perceived today, together with fingerprints, to be the most accurate," said Cukic.
But in the future all kinds of methods may be employed. Some researchers are looking at the way people walk as a possible additional means of identification.
The FBI says it will protect all this personal data and only collect information on criminals and those seeking sensitive jobs.
The ACLU's Steinhardt doesn't believe it will stop there.
"This had started out being a program to track or identify criminals," he said. "Now we're talking about large swaths of the population -- workers, volunteers in youth programs. Eventually, it's going to be everybody."
Doesn't the government take enough from us already? How many more freedoms will we lose until people stand up and say NO?
CLARKSBURG, West Virginia (CNN) -- The FBI is gearing up to create a massive computer database of people's physical characteristics, all part of an effort the bureau says to better identify criminals and terrorists.
But it's an issue that raises major privacy concerns -- what one civil liberties expert says should concern all Americans.
The bureau is expected to announce in coming days the awarding of a $1 billion, 10-year contract to help create the database that will compile an array of biometric information -- from palm prints to eye scans.
Kimberly Del Greco, the FBI's Biometric Services section chief, said adding to the database is "important to protect the borders to keep the terrorists out, protect our citizens, our neighbors, our children so they can have good jobs, and have a safe country to live in."
But it's unnerving to privacy experts.
"It's the beginning of the surveillance society where you can be tracked anywhere, any time and all your movements, and eventually all your activities will be tracked and noted and correlated," said Barry Steinhardt, director of the American Civil Liberties Union's Technology and Liberty Project.
The FBI already has 55 million sets of fingerprints on file. In coming years, the bureau wants to compare palm prints, scars and tattoos, iris eye patterns, and facial shapes. The idea is to combine various pieces of biometric information to positively identify a potential suspect.
A lot will depend on how quickly technology is perfected, according to Thomas Bush, the FBI official in charge of the Clarksburg, West Virginia, facility where the FBI houses its current fingerprint database. Watch what the FBI hopes to gain »
"Fingerprints will still be the big player," Bush, assistant director of the FBI's Criminal Justice Information Services Division, told CNN.
But he added, "Whatever the biometric that comes down the road, we need to be able to plug that in and play."
First up, he said, are palm prints. The FBI has already begun collecting images and hopes to soon use these as an additional means of making identifications. Countries that are already using such images find 20 percent of their positive matches come from latent palm prints left at crime scenes, the FBI's Bush said.
The FBI has also started collecting mug shots and pictures of scars and tattoos. These images are being stored for now as the technology is fine-tuned. All of the FBI's biometric data is stored on computers 30-feet underground in the Clarksburg facility.
In addition, the FBI could soon start comparing people's eyes -- specifically the iris, or the colored part of an eye -- as part of its new biometrics program called Next Generation Identification.
Nearby, at West Virginia University's Center for Identification Technology Research, researchers are already testing some of these technologies that will ultimately be used by the FBI.
"The best increase in accuracy will come from fusing different biometrics together," said Bojan Cukic, the co-director of the center.
But while law enforcement officials are excited about the possibilities of these new technologies, privacy advocates are upset the FBI will be collecting so much personal information.
People who don't think mistakes are going to be made I don't think fly enough," said Steinhardt. He said thousands of mistakes have been made with the use of the so-called no-fly lists at airports -- and that giving law enforcement widespread data collection techniques should cause major privacy alarms.
"There are real consequences to people," Steinhardt said.
You don't have to be a criminal or a terrorist to be checked against the database. More than 55 percent of the checks the FBI runs involve criminal background checks for people applying for sensitive jobs in government or jobs working with vulnerable people such as children and the elderly, according to the FBI.
The FBI says it hasn't been saving the fingerprints for those checks, but that may change. The FBI plans a so-called "rap-back" service in which an employer could ask the FBI to keep the prints for an employee on file and let the employer know if the person ever has a brush with the law. The FBI says it will first have to clear hurdles with state privacy laws, and people would have to sign waivers allowing their information to be kept.
Critics say people are being forced to give up too much personal information. But Lawrence Hornak, the co-director of the research center at West Virginia University, said it could actually enhance people's privacy.
"It allows you to project your identity as being you," said Hornak. "And it allows people to avoid identity theft, things of that nature."
There remains the question of how reliable these new biometric technologies will be. A 2006 German study looking at facial recognition in a crowded train station found successful matches could be made 60 percent of the time during the day. But when lighting conditions worsened at night, the results shrank to a success rate of 10 to 20 percent.
As work on these technologies continues, researchers are quick to admit what's proven to be the most accurate so far. "Iris technology is perceived today, together with fingerprints, to be the most accurate," said Cukic.
But in the future all kinds of methods may be employed. Some researchers are looking at the way people walk as a possible additional means of identification.
The FBI says it will protect all this personal data and only collect information on criminals and those seeking sensitive jobs.
The ACLU's Steinhardt doesn't believe it will stop there.
"This had started out being a program to track or identify criminals," he said. "Now we're talking about large swaths of the population -- workers, volunteers in youth programs. Eventually, it's going to be everybody."
Friday, January 18, 2008
Hans
Hans vas a Norvegian vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten of his finkers.
He vent to da emergency room in the clinik and vhen he got dar, da Norsky doctor looked at Hans and said, "Let's hafe da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Hans said, "I hafen't got da finkers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he asked.
"Lordy! It's 2007! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
Hans responded: "How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"
He vent to da emergency room in the clinik and vhen he got dar, da Norsky doctor looked at Hans and said, "Let's hafe da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Hans said, "I hafen't got da finkers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers?" he asked.
"Lordy! It's 2007! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers?"
Hans responded: "How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?"
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
How The Fught Started
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
. . . and that's when the fight started . . .
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
. . . and that's when the fight started . . .
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Ffffffff
A teacher is explaining biology to her 1st grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says. A little girl raises her
hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it,he jumped over the fence into our yard'.
'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
<>'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say 'Fuck', the rottweiler ate him!'
hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it,he jumped over the fence into our yard'.
'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
<>'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say 'Fuck', the rottweiler ate him!'
Thursday, May 24, 2007
New Tat
Leaving work early today to get a new Tattoo.
I'll get pictures posted as soon as my lazy ass feels like it.
I'll get pictures posted as soon as my lazy ass feels like it.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Life progression
Went to visit mom & dad this yesterday.
When the OL & I got to the front door I can hear my mom yelling........."it's open, com'on in."
Sure the inside door was open, but the screen door was locked. Why would you lock a screen door? If someone is coming to your house to rob you, I don't think a screen door will stop them??
Anyway, mom let's us in. Usual hugs and kisses, and I procede to the back deck to see dad. He's sitting in a chair in the sun relaxing. I do the same. Soon mom and wife come out and we all sit and chat. Chat turns to how nice the sun feels, and how great it would be to nap. After a 1/2 hr we ALL wake up, clean the line of drool that has left ours mouths and attached to our shirts, say our good-byes and we drive back home.
Nothing like catching up with mom & dad!!!
When the OL & I got to the front door I can hear my mom yelling........."it's open, com'on in."
Sure the inside door was open, but the screen door was locked. Why would you lock a screen door? If someone is coming to your house to rob you, I don't think a screen door will stop them??
Anyway, mom let's us in. Usual hugs and kisses, and I procede to the back deck to see dad. He's sitting in a chair in the sun relaxing. I do the same. Soon mom and wife come out and we all sit and chat. Chat turns to how nice the sun feels, and how great it would be to nap. After a 1/2 hr we ALL wake up, clean the line of drool that has left ours mouths and attached to our shirts, say our good-byes and we drive back home.
Nothing like catching up with mom & dad!!!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Black Out
Sooooooooooo, I went to the hospital yesterday for some test.
They needed to do a Blood Gas test. Oh boy, doesn't that sound like fun? During this little test just sticking a needle in your veins is not good enough, noooooooooooo, "we have to get the blood from your arteries, and then you breath pure oxygen for 15 minutes, and then we stick you with the needle again, in your arteries"
Well, that mother fucking needle goes in, past all known veins down into the artery and oingo bongo, out comes the blood, in theory. Not me. Let's stick the needle in, not find the artery, and wait a few minutes and try again!!!!!
In the mean time, I get light-headed, get up to go back to the waiting area, and all of a sudden my legs get wobbly, everything slows down, and BAM, down I go.
I hear the blood-sucker yell "code blue." My wife freaks because she only knows code blue as "get help, this m f'er is dying"
I awake after only a few seconds of empty brain syndrome, and there are 20 people standing there staring @ me. I ask what are we celebrating and where's the cake? They call for a stretcher to take me to the emergency room for tests. After drawing 3 viels of blood (from my vein) I lay ther for 3 hours waiting for the test results............3 HOURS!!!!!!!. It doesn't take that long to process a dead body. I ask the nurse if I can leave and he says sure,I can leave anytime I want.
He gets the doctor who of course advises against it, not because she's worried about me, but because of the liability factor. I say in my deepest manly voice, "I don't care, I leaving" She runs and gets a waver form for me to sign, and I'm off. Of course I'm not off to leave the hospital, I have to see another doctor!!!!
The day could not have ended soon enough!!!!!
How was your day?
They needed to do a Blood Gas test. Oh boy, doesn't that sound like fun? During this little test just sticking a needle in your veins is not good enough, noooooooooooo, "we have to get the blood from your arteries, and then you breath pure oxygen for 15 minutes, and then we stick you with the needle again, in your arteries"
Well, that mother fucking needle goes in, past all known veins down into the artery and oingo bongo, out comes the blood, in theory. Not me. Let's stick the needle in, not find the artery, and wait a few minutes and try again!!!!!
In the mean time, I get light-headed, get up to go back to the waiting area, and all of a sudden my legs get wobbly, everything slows down, and BAM, down I go.
I hear the blood-sucker yell "code blue." My wife freaks because she only knows code blue as "get help, this m f'er is dying"
I awake after only a few seconds of empty brain syndrome, and there are 20 people standing there staring @ me. I ask what are we celebrating and where's the cake? They call for a stretcher to take me to the emergency room for tests. After drawing 3 viels of blood (from my vein) I lay ther for 3 hours waiting for the test results............3 HOURS!!!!!!!. It doesn't take that long to process a dead body. I ask the nurse if I can leave and he says sure,I can leave anytime I want.
He gets the doctor who of course advises against it, not because she's worried about me, but because of the liability factor. I say in my deepest manly voice, "I don't care, I leaving" She runs and gets a waver form for me to sign, and I'm off. Of course I'm not off to leave the hospital, I have to see another doctor!!!!
The day could not have ended soon enough!!!!!
How was your day?
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
I was demanded
It was requested, ney, demanded that I update my blog because it's been a year or so since I have had anything to add.
Well, I'm updating it.
Ever find something that you lost and thought was gone forever? I had. I lost contact with a precious blogger friend. Lo and behold as I was strolling down blogger lane I came across Jungle Janes blog. It was like leaving the smog of NYC and entering the wooded hills of upstate New York. My eyes opened wide, I could breath like I hadn't in a long time. I had found happiness.
I've missed a lot of people during my long time on the planet, and some I don't miss at all.
But I dearly missed the bloggings of one of most animated and truly one of the funniest persons to ever walk Satan's green earth.
Now that I have found you again, I will tag you like vets do with dogs, wait that doesn't sound good.
Now that I have found your blog again, I will hold it close to my chest and never let it go.
Well, I'm updating it.
Ever find something that you lost and thought was gone forever? I had. I lost contact with a precious blogger friend. Lo and behold as I was strolling down blogger lane I came across Jungle Janes blog. It was like leaving the smog of NYC and entering the wooded hills of upstate New York. My eyes opened wide, I could breath like I hadn't in a long time. I had found happiness.
I've missed a lot of people during my long time on the planet, and some I don't miss at all.
But I dearly missed the bloggings of one of most animated and truly one of the funniest persons to ever walk Satan's green earth.
Now that I have found you again, I will tag you like vets do with dogs, wait that doesn't sound good.
Now that I have found your blog again, I will hold it close to my chest and never let it go.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
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